Sunday, August 10, 2008

When Hot Bodies Happen To Boring People

As much fun as I make of yawn inducing couple of the year Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish Game Hen, they are so boring they are actually starting to become entertaining to me. How two people can be so uninterresting and stale just amazes me. What I find sad and tragic though, is that they have been blessed with the gift of the hot bodies, but I am so sure they are wasting them by sitting at home playing bridge and putting together puzzles of kittens and talking about their favorite pre-colonial author. Take this afternoon out with friends, for example. Here is the conversation that I believe is transpiring between these two:
Abbie: Guess what?
I am so intoxicated that I am simply smashed to bits!
No! That cup you are holding contains an alcoholic beverage?!?
Of course not. But I did walk by the cart which held all of the wine and spirits and I sniffed the vodka bottle on the way back from the bathroom!
Ryan: *Gasp!* But Abbie, you will get those "Hang Overs" that I hear about so often on the rare occassions that I watch the television. We must make our way to the nearest pharmacy and pick up some asprin-baby asprin of course-and pick up all the supplies we will need to nurse you back to health! We shall require wet rags to cool your foreead, a sanitized bucket for you to do the unspeakable in, and plenty of Gatorade, to replace your electrolytes. Oh God! I forgot all about the electrolytes! We must get you to a medical facility immediately. This is more than I can handle on my own. They can give you an IV drip right away and begin the healing process.

Abbie: Oh Ryan! What hath I done? I have become like those addicts you hear about who end up as paupers begging for money on the roadside. I have become an alcoholic! I need rehab! Oh Ryan, I am so sorry to have spun you in my web of degredation. Will you ever forgive me?
Ryan: Of course Abbie. But for now we must get you the help and treatment you deserve. Let us not make haste!


Kjersti M said...

Ha Ha! I like your sarcastic view on celebrity gossip and fashion!

Fun read.. :)

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