Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pink Lipgloss Is For Punk Rockers

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I know exactly what is going through Nancy Spungen's head as she applies her powder pink makeup: she's totally imagining a hardcore, Minor Threat version of Lil Mama's "Lipgloss". As she gently applies the sticky goo (no, not THAT sticky goo!...for once...) to her delecate lips, she's picturing Ian MacKaye shouting "My lip gloss is popping! My lip gloss is cool! If you don't like it, I'll beat your ass with a broken bar stool! Oi! Oi! Oi!" Now, some of you may not believe that Nancy Spungen here can be very punk rock with her shimmery blush and gold compact, but you are dead wrong. She has a smokey eye, people! And a boyfriend with tattoos-lots of them! And she's wearing black. That's right. BLACK. And if you have something to say, well then, she'll surely flip that table over (o.k., get her assistant to flip the table over) and throw her wine glass at you after drinking what left in it. After all, Nancy is not going to let good alcohol go to waste. Then she'll say something really raunchy and in your face like "Uh, bitch, you are like, so not cool for making fun of my pink lipgloss. NOT HOT. I should like, totally pay some commoner off the street to like, steal your Marc Jacobs bag. I mean, like, I would do it and all, but please. I already have a closet full of Marc Jacobs bags and stealing is for poor people. I would like, never steal because I am rich and better than you. So, you know, whatever! And...you know! And...stuff! Bitch!" That's our Nauseating Nancy Spungen. Bad to the bone and a political anarchist to her very core.

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