Friday, October 17, 2008

Man Claims He is Secret Love Child of Marilyn and JFK, World Laughs

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Something tells me this dude has been staring a little too long at his cheeto shaped like Elvis, because he is straight up looners and dillusional. John R. Burton-or John Fitzgerald Kennedy as he is now calling himself, is claiming that he is the love child of Marilyn Monroe and JFK. I told you-coo coo for coco puffs! Burton, 53, isn't just seeking fame, but a large chunk of JFK's fortune insisting that he is entitled to it as his legal heir. When asked why he's waited so long to come forward (with his bonkers story), he replied by saying he was hoping the estate would "do the right thing" and pay him. "They were great parents," he insisted of Monroe and Kennedy. "I couldn't ask for anything better." Well certainly he has some sort of proof, especially since he obviously knew them well enough to say they were great parents, right? Wrong! He has no pictures, or family memorabilia to prove he knew either parites. Let me guess-your dog ate them all? Aliens came to Earth and demanded them? Or was it just a run of the mill house fire? What? None of those things? How shocking!
His suit names the current administrators of the trust that was set up for Kennedy's family, Edwin Schlossberg and Martin Edelman.
"In [his] will, each child of President Kennedy was to receive a certain amount of money each year pursuant to the terms in said will," the suit says, and because he's a Kennedy child, he deserves his share. The suit, which seeks an unspecified "past and present" share of Kennedy's estate, also asks for the chance for Kennedy to prove he is who he says is he is by dragging relatives of the slain president into the case. What, no digging up the bodies out of the grave? "Plaintiff requests this court order DNA testing so that plaintiffs[sic] may prove that [sic] bona fides of his claim," and order "genetic (DNA) testing of environmentalist Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Congressman Patrick Kennedy. Upon such proof being made," Kennedy wants a judge to recognize him as a rightful heir, the suit says. Oh I SO hope they do a DNA test to prove this famewhore wrong. There's nothing tackier than dragging a couple of deacesed people who can't defend themselves' names through the mud. A class act, that one!

1 comments:

Madam Miaow said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And I'm the love child of Marilyn Monroe and Chairman Mao. I remember it well ...

Now, now, we mustn't mock the afflicted, Mrs M. Oh, OK, let's.

 
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