Thursday, November 20, 2008

Sid and Nancy Split!

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The greatest, most torrential love story of our generation has come to an end. Paris Hilton and Benji Madden (aka Sid and Nancy) have called their pretend relationship quits. This announcement comes just days after Nancy was spotted cozying up to her exboyfriend, slutty Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos (aka jobless McGee) at a party a few days ago. "Paris was fed up with Benji always telling her what to do and bossing her around," says a source. "She couldn't take his overbearing ways anymore. It was stressing her out. He can be very aggressive and he was just too much trouble." Well that's what you should expect when you hook up with a bad to the bone rocker like Sid. He's supposed to be crazy jealous, throw beer bottles at her head at a public venue, and storm off only to get arrested later for assualt/heroin possession/previous warrant/disturbing the peace. That's just how they do!
So how did Sid take the breakup? "He fought for a second chance and asked if they could talk it out but Paris said she was done talking," said the snitch. Ultimately, although they tried to work it out, there were just from different worlds. "She felt she couldn't cut loose and party," says the source. "He doesn't drink and doesn't think she should either. She felt too fenced in." Despite their breakup, the legend of their love will surely live on forever. Sid might have his leisurely affairs, but they will mean nothing to his broken, dismal heart. We all know a piece of him died the moment Nancy walked her size 12s out the door for a better life, a better man. Some time in the future-maybe next year, maybe ten years, maybe when she's on her death bed-Nancy will realize that she had true love and gave it all away. The man she gave her heart and soul and blood and favorite swiss army knife to is lost, dying with a broken heart at a young age with no one by his side to love him. Upon this realization, Nancy will ascend into heaven and be reunited with her one, true, great love Sid. And they'll live unhappily ever after. The End.

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