Monday, November 17, 2008

What the Hell Kind of Goddamn Jeans are Those?

Are you fucking kidding me with those jeans? Did bitch narrowly escape a tragic windmill accident? Was she mauled by a pack of stray cats or worse, Tara Reid? No. In fact, the debacle is much more intricate than you would think. You see, what happened was our little Brandy got sick of stalking the paps from TMZ and begging them to at least pretend to take her picture, so she decided to pay one a special visit. And by "special" I mean she came armed with a machete, two rolls of duct tape and an empty trunk. Things were going well at first. She had the pap subdued and was just reaching for the duct tape when suddenly, out of nowhere, came Colin Farrell, just out taking a leisurely stroll and looking for some vagabonds to save. Colin saw the pap in distress and immediately ran to the nearest phone booth, changed into his superhero of hotness clothes, and began to wail on Moeesha. She then counterattacked by frantically thrashing the machete around yelling "I was on a hit show! I cut a record with Queen Latifah! I was in "I Know What You Did That Summer After Last At Your Paren't Beach House and I'm Gonna Tell On You if You Do Not Confess to the Crime That You Perpetrated to the Nearest Authority Figure or at the very Least a Catholic Priest"! I am a starrrrr!!!". In all her mania, she did not notice the fact that she was slicing up her last pair of jeans. "The boy is mine!" shouted Colin. Brandy, clearly devestated by the verbal blow he delivered, began to remember Monica, and how that bitch stole Mekhi Pheifer away rom her. While lost in thought, Colin hurriedly rushed the pap off to safety and left Brandy to wallow in her sad lonliness for the remained of her days. Or until that lady with the cheese came by with free samples.


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