Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Hate Adam Levine.

Photobucket
I know that "hate" is a strong word, and I assure you that I do not use it frivilously. So when I say that I hate Adam Levine, I really, truely mean it from the bottom of my soul. I loathe this egomaniacal douchebag with every fabric of my being. Just look at him with his stupid leather jacket and rolled up pants thinking he's James Dean and shit. With his five o'clock shadow that probably took 3 months to grow. I have always positively despied this dude, seeing him for what he is-a John Mayer grade A asshole who writes songs just to get into a girl's pants and then throws her out five minutes after he's finished without any of her clothes or money for a cab. And you know she didn't even get hers. I mean, how could you when you have a bag of bones banging up against you like a hyena in heat?
But what I really, really hate this guy for is what he said about former ex-girl Maria Sharapova. "She wouldn't make any noise during sex," Levine said. "I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny." First off, to say something like that about someone you dated is beyond tacky and disgraceful. Second, I'm sure his caveman grunts did ruin her concentration. I mean, if I was having sex with Adam Levine, I would surely have to work hard not to spew Excorcist pea soup juice all over the place not to mention concentrate on imagining someone else (anyone else!) was on top of me. And finally, (and this goes without saying) she probably didn't make any noise because he was awful in bed! If you're not getting a reponse, chances are you're not doing it right. No need to blame anyone else for your being shitty in the sack. Besides, she probably didn't even know it was in. You know guys with egos like his are always the ones with the golf pencil dick.

13 comments:

Johnny Cakes said...

Let us first address the Paxil issue. He went on Paxil after bad sex? Did someone call the Drama Llama?

Next, while I have not had sex with Maria, I am aware that she is a loud tennis player. She grunts and yells more than a silverback gorilla mating when she plays tennis. My guess is that she was having a hard time finding pleasure out of a...what did you say Mrs. M? Golf pencil?

Third point of contention, said Douche-nozzle has had sex with a dead frog.

Mrs. M. said...

Johnny Cakes you have cracked the case! I bet that sick motherfucker DID have sex with a dead frog! How else would he know if not from expereice. I bet he's had sex with a lot of other gross stuff too. Grossest of all being himself.
and lol yeah I was thinking of mini golf pencils. You know those tiny ass pencils they give you at mini golf. Where do they even get those things? Is there some sort of mini pencil factory I am not aware of?

Anonymous said...

This is an old post, but I just wanted to say that I do believe you are the most amazing and wisest person on the planet. He's the biggest ass on the planet! (and I don't even mean to degrade the useful nature of asses by connecting them to this guy!)

Anonymous said...

I HATE HIM TOO is a poser.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for writing this I thought I was the only person who felt this way I lose 25 minutes of sleep every night thinking of how much I hate this asshole

Anonymous said...

okay i;m boring to read this! and i don't understant very much of this.. s i read the first paragraph and i hate you! adam is the best singer, the best songwritter and the best man in the world! i hope you change idea for him since 2008!!

Anonymous said...

ADAM LEVINE IS A FUGLY SLUT. he says that Honey Boo Boo is the decay of western civilization.....im sorry when did a womanizer that heads an irrelevant boy band become the authority on childrearing and family values? bashing a 6-year-old pageant girl as being responsible for the decline of the human race makes about as much sense as blaming a car salesman for World War II. adam levine you are a disgusting piece of shit and i'm pretty sure if you got into a fight with a little pageant girl, you would get the shit beat out of you because you're a fucking pussy.

Anonymous said...

Ughhh I hate him so much! Did y'all hear what he said about honey boo boo? He verbally attacked a 6 year old? I mean, how messed up is that??? He's an ego-maniac that talks shit about everyone and he's not even hot. From what he's said in interviews and done to girls, we can only judge him as an asshole with no moral character or sophistication.

Anonymous said...

stfu...adam is amazing im so obsessed

Anonymous said...

He's a self-absorbed obnoxious asshole!!!

Anonymous said...

I hate this guy mainly because of his FUCKING HORRIBLE VOICE. But, that only goes to show you how vulgar and tasteless is the music industry in selling this wimp shit as a voice of our generation.... But I also hate him for being what he is: A perfect man, living a perfect life, in his own little selfish world. Idiots like this are the cancer of the human race, for every poor person of the planet this sucker should receive 10.000 whips in his white ass... Fuck him, his band, and the people who have contributed to his success!!!

Eugene Krack said...

WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN!!! We're the only smart people around because we hate this ugly-ass tattooed prick Adamned Levine who thinks it's okay to act like a lecherous asspimp, an STD V-spot addict, a nasal-ass banshee that needs to be shot dead on sight. He has NO MUSCLE, DIRTY-ASS PECS, and he wears Fakeass blue contacts and blonde chrome wigs to disguise himself as a fucking Aryan so that he can hide from the Nazis that are fucking looking for this fucker Levine!

Anonymous said...

Such passion you all feel for a man you have never met. It seems a more than a little out of proportion. He writes songs, he sings them. If you don't like them, don't listen.

 
Template by Exotic Mommie and Buildings by Antoine Mallet