Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Lance Armstrong is Going to Be a Daddy Again

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Oooooh Sheryl Crow is going to be so royally pissed! Her former flame and international hero to trillions Lance Armstrong is going to be a father yet again. Anna Hansen, Lance's girlfriend of only five months, is knocked up.
This comes as a suprising announcement, seeing as how Lance had undergone intensive chemo in the past. The cancer treatment usually kills sperm, thus also killing the chances of reproducing. Lance did have some sperm frozen back in 1996, just in case he wanted to have more children. However it looks like since the two conceived au naturale, that won't be necessary.
As you may recall, Lance and Sheryl split a few years ago because Sheryl wanted to make some babies and get hitched and all that good stuff, while Lance just wanted to be footloose and fancy free. If I were Sheryl, I think I'd be pretty freakin' pissed. In fact, I wouldn't be suprised if Lance ended up loosing his last good ball in a tragic voodoo doll accident. After all, here she was head over heels for this dude, wanting to make his babies and fix him french toast, and he's all "I just ain't ready for the ball and chain, babe" only to get serious with some young chickadee and allow her to carry his blessed child in her baby maker. Do people change their values that quickly?
That being said, you know his girlfriend totally planned this shit. She was probably taking all sorts of vitamins and fertility treatments and seeing medicine men on the downlow in an attempt to hit the jackpot. I mean, not only is Lance one of the richest people in the world, he's also one of the most loved. He's right up there with the Dali Lama, Angelina Jolie and Bono. A modern day Ghandi I tell you. That has sex. And only one ball. And really, really likes yellow.

1 comments:

ChicChickory said...

For someone to be so phenomenal in sports and triumphant over the cancer adversity, he sure is a Cad with the ladies. Frankly, I believe he now suffers from overbloated ego.

On another note....Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones! :)

 
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