Thursday, January 15, 2009

Be Prepared to Vomit

You want to talk about disgusting? Aerosmith's Steven Tyler recently did an interview with Elle for the "Men We Love" section, in which, I suppose, his plan was to though roughly gross out all of humanity. The rock star releases gross facts and tidbits, such as losing his virginity at age SEVEN, that he is chock full of STDs, that no woman has EVER denied his sexual advances and that no one should get married. Here are a few excerpts-if you dare:

ELLE: What can you tell me about your first sexual experience?
Steven Tyler: It was at the age of seven with twins.
ELLE: Where does a boy go to find naughty prepubescent twins?
ST: They sat next to me in the church choir. They were French.

ELLE: Since you’ve had a couple marriages fail, I wondered: If you could will your voice to be heard in the head of every man a split second before he pops the question, what would you say?
ST: “Don’t get fuckin’ married.” And “Lie till you die.”

ELLE: When you and Joe competed for women, who won?
ST: Well, we didn’t compete, but we did share. And the crabs won.

ELLE: In Walk This Way, the oral history of Aerosmith, the band’s engineer, Rabbit Hansen, said that band members weren’t to accept oral sex for the last 10 days of tour so as not to spread venereal diseases to girlfriends at home.
ST: That wasn’t the band’s rule. You didn’t have sex for 10 days at the end of tour, but that was so you’d be sure to go home with a full cup of chowder. If you didn’t, you were definitely suspect.

ELLE: Has any female celebrity ever shunned your advances?
ST: Never. I’m a persistent motherfucker. I’m very sensual and very rhythm-oriented and into poetry. Women can feel that.

Ok, I'm not even lying when I say I am seriously nauseous right now, and I truly wish I could go back in time, so that I could erase all this nastness from my memory. I mean, UGH! Fucking chowder?!? And, if what he says about never getting turned down is true, I think it's pretty effing funny that dumb broads are lining up to be boned by a senior citizen with crabs.
Oh, and btw Mr. Tyler, perhaps your marriages didn't work out because you think one should "lie till they die." It's people like him that make me feel even more grateful I have such a kick ass husband.


Anonymous said...

um, i'm pretty sure he was joking. who says that shit and actually is serious?

Anonymous said...

He probably doesn't have crabs anymore if he seriously ever did. That can be cured.He had to be joking about the lie til you die thing, everybody knows you'll be seen as a complete dick by anyone who reads it so if he really felt that way he wouldn't have said it I'm sure. So he HAD to be joking there. The senior citizen thing? Well I think he looks pretty damn good for a man of 60, and when it comes to frontmen he is definitely in the pantheon of gods. The man's got a cannon for a voice, not many rock singers who can beat him live OR in the studio.

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