Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Bullsheet

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In honor of the New Year and everyone's five minute plan to change their lives, the latest cover of Life & Style Magazine boasts that they have uncovered the secrets on how Britney Spears and Jessica Alba lost weight. The problem is, that picture of Britney is like, 6 years old, while that pic of Jessica from her liquor calendar has been photochooped within an inch of her life. I hate to burst your bubble, but Jessica Alba does not really look like that. That's right-even Jessica Alba is no longer considered beautiful enough to not be photoshopped to mannequin-like perfection. So basically even if you lose weight, you still won't be good enough according to the powers that be. But I digree.
In an attempt to save you $2.99 (because really, our economy is in the shitter and who can't use that cash?), I am going to tell you the secrets to getting a body like Britney's:
Step 1: Excercise
Step 2: Eat lots of fruits, veggies and grains
Step 3: Excercise some more
Step 4: Do not weigh yourself
Step 5: Seriously, don't fucking weigh yourself
Step 6: Put that donut down

Step 7: Take a shower. You probably smell like hell from all that excercise.
Step 8: Wash, rinse and repeat.
And there you have it. I just saved you $2.99. You're welcome!

3 comments:

Daners Isadora a.k.a Busty St. Clair said...

Ha! Always doing us a great service! :)

Madam Miaow said...

On great form as usual.

Emily said...

More importantly... "Robert Pattinson Wants Out"???!


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