Saturday, January 31, 2009

Eau de Coke

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Did you know that Jonathan Rhys Meyers had a cologne out? I sure didn't. Although I must admit I'm not suprised. After all, he probably only sleeps at most 2 hours a day. I can just see his ass hanging out in his basement at all hours the night thinking things like "You know what we need? What we really, really need?!? A pencil that never needs sharpening! A pencil that lasts forever! I can't believe nobody has made that yet! It would make millions! And think of all the time you would save by not sharpening. Hours! Maybe days! I could build a ship in a bottle, or wait, no! I could build a ship! Yes, I am totally going to do that. And you know what? I'm going to dig my own ocean to sail it in. Yeah, that can't take more than what? A day, maybe two? Shit, man. My own fucking boat in my own fucking ocean! Brilliant! You know what else I could use? A resin resistant mirror. That doesn't scratch! I would save so much and never have to buy another mirror! That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to create a resin resistant mirror to take on my boat that I'll sail in the ocean. And I'll get a parakeet for when I get lonely. And I'll teach it to speak in five different languages. French, Spanish, Farsi, Dutch and Romanian. No-Latin! Yeah, fucking Latin, man! I'm going to buy a parakeet, teach it different languages and sail with it around on my boat in my ocean while using my resin resistant mirror. Hell yeah! I'll be like Blackbeard and shit. But without the beard. Why hasn't anyone else thought of this idea? It's fucking genius!"
Anyway, here's Mr. Meyers at Macy's in NYC yesterday looking completely sober and not at all fuuuuuuucked up pimping his cologne that probably smells like Camels, Baking soda, visene, sweat, sex, and crazy.

2 comments:

Emily said...

He's a lot more frightening-looking than I remember...

mama maria said...

stop it. i'm about to piss my pants!

 
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