Monday, January 5, 2009

Rock of Love Free Clinic: I Have My Favorites, Do You Have Yours?

Last night was the premiere of VH1's latest pro-birth control show, Rock of Love Bus. It's only the first epidsode and already they're taking shots out of each other's vaginas, so you just know things are gearing up for one hell of a season. In case you missed it, I will not spoil things for you. However I would be remiss if I did not at least mention the moron who rapped Bret Michaels a poem on instructional paperwork on how to live and manage your Ghonnoreah and Herpes. Seriously. I can't make this shit up. Well, I suppose I could, but it's just irony at it's best is all.
Anydumbwhore, despite the fact that I've only seen one episode, I have already hand picked my favorites. So here goes herpes:

This bitch has almost no personality, but she's hands down the hottest. Actually, I think perhaps having no personality and saying nothing is somehow better than opening your yapper and letting a bunch of nonsensical shit out.
Hottest Runner Up and One I'd Be Most Likely to Watch Project Runway With:
This girl is hot no doubt, but she desperately needs to wipe that paint by numbers shit off her face. It's really ruining things. That being said, she seems like she might have a few brain cells knocking around in there, causing her to spontaneously say something smart from time to time. While I don't think she'll be a Mensa member any time soon, she's probably the smartest one there. Which has to count for something.
And the Biggest Hot Messes
Most Likely To Get A Tree Branch Thrown at Her By Me:
This bitch is so dumb. I mean so, so, so fucking stupid. Seriously, I have pencils that are more intelligent and interresting than she is. She's dillusional, dirty, and I'm pretty sure she probably smells like Aqua Net and pee. That being said, she makes good television.
Most Likely to Cause Me to Sleep With One Eye Open
You know those girls that guys hook up with and at first feel so lucky to be with because they're hot, only to realize that they are majorly fucked in the head, insanely jealous and have ridiculous anger issues? That is this girl. I mean, she choked a bitch out last night. Choked her. For throwing chips in her direction. This makes me wonder what she would do if her boyfriend didn't return her call. She'd most likely show up at his work, plant drugs in his locker, call his boss and tell them he's a heroin addict with AIDS, slash his tires and write obscene shit on his car with lipstick, only to show up at his house later all "Hey babycakes! I missed you!!!" This chick has "restraining order" written allll over her.
As for the rest of the skanks, what is there to say? They are all bottle blonde recalled blowup dolls with more diseases than brain cells. Anyway, did you watch the show? Any standouts for you?


ChicChickory said...

Dammit! I missed it? Oh well, I'm sure VH1 will show it 100 more times this week.

ChicChickory said...

OK...finally saw the show. What the ?!?!?!?!

Can you say Rock of Love Train Wreck?! Oh my, them girlies are stuck on stupid...with a few stuck on skank, as well. I have to say my favorite quote is...."I think I'm lesbian when I'm drunk". Timeless. People will be putting that down as their tombstone eulogy, I foresee.

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