Monday, February 9, 2009

Just Read the Damn Winner Already

Whitney Houston took time away from smoking the crack and not making albums to attend the Grammy Awards last night. Whitney stumbled on the stage. and immediately began speaking in her own language saying something to the effect of "brjgm fkklg boots flibbidyjibbity puff puff pass i'm every woman ghhrrittee." Which translated into English means "I am ever so honored to be here with all you inferior individuals. I do not know why you did not greet me with a standing ovation as you should have, and I shall hold a grudge over thine heads for a fortnight. Nevertheless I am a professional and will continue reading the list of nominees that are clearly not as talented as I am." She then proceeded to go on about Clive Davis being honored the night before, jabberjawing about how great and spectacular he is, which was completely irrelevant.
Finally she ends up announcing the winner of the R&B album of the Year award as Jennifer Hudson. I naturally found this completely hilarious because the entire time I just know Whitney was saying to herself "Anyone but Jennifer Hudson, anyone but Jennifer Hudson, anyone but...DAMN!" You know she doesn't want to share the stage with a younger, prettier, less cracked out female from her own genre. In fact, I'm suprised she didn't announce the winner as "Whitney Houston! OMG, I won! I'd like to thank myself. And that's it. I'm awesome."
Oh! And did you notice who JHud's date was?!? Her fiance, Punk from I Love New York! lol at that one.


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