Sunday, February 1, 2009

Michael Phelps Gets High With a Little Help from His Friends

What in the name of Billy Bong Thorton? Naughty, naughty! News of the World has gotten hold of a snapshot of the Olympian taking hits from tha bong during a party weekend last November in Columbia, South Carolina. One of the snitches who doesn't know how to keep their trap shut told Star magazine that "At one point someone asked him if he wanted to smoke some weed. Michael didn't hesitate and headed to a small back room, where he was immediately handed a big red bong. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and ripped a huge smelly bong rip. He knew exactly what he was doing. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming the backstroke."
The News of the World has said that Michael's spokesperson, Clifford Bloxham, begged their asses not to run the picture. Allegedly he pinkie swore that if they kept the picture hidden that Michael would not only become a columnist for them for the next 3 years, but he would also get his sponsors to advertise with them and host events. Evidently the price was not right.
Now I don't know how you feel about this, but I have some pretty strong feelings. First off, who the fuck says things like "huge smelly bong rip"? Was this informant Jeff Spicoli from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"? I mean really.
Secondly, I love how bitches try to get all self righteous and shit, like they're so innocent and pure when it's like, what the hell we you doing at a party where there was weed if you're so against it? People in glass grow houses should not throw stones.
And finally, Michael Phelps smoked some weed-so fucking what? That bitch has won 14 gold medals, and trained his motherloving ass off, swiming more in a day than most pf us probably do in a lifetime. Can you even imagine the dedication that takes? Not to mention how time consuming it is? I think it is sad (very, very sad) that all that he's worked for could be undone by a single act. I'd say if anyone has earned the right to let loose just a little, it's Phelps. And I don't see the big scandal. The only question that remains in my mind is how dank do you think the shit Michael Phelps gets is? I bet it's pretty fucking dank. The dankest. Then again, I could totally see someone giving him oregano to smoke only to have Phelps giggling around the apartment for three hours talking about how baked he is. He kind of seems like the type.

*UPDATE* M.P. has released a statement saying he is so sowy about taking hits from the bong. Phelps says: "I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again." Psht! That bitch should not be appologizing for shit. He should have released a statement saying "Look motherfuckers, when you win some gold medals and stop sinning, then you can come and talk to me. Until then, mind your own biz and stfu. But mind your own biz while studying Rosetta Stone and eating Frosted Flakes. They're grrrrreat!"


mama maria said...

Oh my god. You are so funny. Your blog never fails to make me laugh.

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