Saturday, February 21, 2009

Please Stop Talking

I have honestly been trying soooo hard not to think about, acknowledge or read anything about OctoMom Nadya Suleman. Yet despite my very best efforts, I cannot get away from her. No matter what website I visit or newstand I pass or television I look at, there's her busted Angelina Jolie face smirking on back at me like she is sooooo goddamn clever. I would suggest shipping this selfish bitch off to a secluded island but you just know her ass would be flooding the Pacific with so may notes in a bottle that all marine life in the ocean would die out from contusions. Today Nadka is running her collagen filled flapper to US Weekly about how pissed she is that her dad talked smack about her on Oprah. And before you ask, yes, this is the same dad who has filed for bankruptcy and is so far behind in mortgage payments that he's losing his house because he has to feed Gumby Uterus and her many litters of childrens. Meanwhile their soon to be put up for auction house is so flooded with gifts for the Selfish Bitch that many boxes had to be turned away. In addition to her website which begs people for money, she has been receiving tons of handouts from morons across the world. Nevertheless OctoGramps asked Oprah viewers not to judge his crazy in the brains daughter stating, "You know what? She needs help. I say to everybody now - people - we do need help," he said. "Do not punish my daughter for what she had done and do not punish the babies, because they were given by God." Please. You just know God is totally rolling his eyes saying "Do not even bring me into this."
Anyway, here are some of the precious gems coming from OctoBitch's mouth to US Weekly:

Us: Is everyone OK? There are reports that your home is in foreclosure.Suleman: Yeah, [mom Angela] will probably lose it. I mean, that's up to my mom. She's dealing with that. I'm looking for my own place.
Cna you believe that shit?!? Her mom has been housing her and her children for how long now and that selfish little ingrate just abandons her by the roadside? Her mom took all of them in and yet OctoBitch doesn't have room in her brand new shiny welfare bought appartment for her tiny little mother?!? The nerve.
Us: I saw your dad gave an interview to Oprah. Why didn't you?
S: I really wish he didn't. I would have liked to go on Oprah -- since her audience is mainly female, I think it would have heightened things so much more. You know, it would have been way more emotional. Especially if what I said was taken out of true meaning. So, I didn't think going on would be good for me.
Seriously, someone please hold me back from slapping this ho.
Us: How was it talking to Dr. Phil?
S: He was surprisingly very nice and fair, but I really shouldn't be talking to you.
Us: Have you spoken to David Solomon [the sperm donor for your 14 children]?

S: Look, I don't talk about him. I want to protect his privacy.
Yeah she really shouldn't be talking about it. Which is why she's talking about it. And not just to them, but to Dateline and NBC News and Dr. Phil and Wood Chipper Weekly and the mailman, and her bagger at the grocery store, and the mirror and Satan, and a stray dog and a pencil and a bag of pretzels. This bitch will talk to anyone. As long as it's not one of her kids. Or her parents. God I would love it if someone just nonchalantly strolled on by her pap loving ass and just smacked that smug little smirk straight off her face. That won't happen I'm sure, but oh it would be so delicious.


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