Monday, March 2, 2009

And Like Lazarus On Sunday, Kurt Cobain Rose From the Grave Unto Us

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We get it Jared Leto. You're sexy and you never shower. Your animal magnatism is so great that you don't need to. Your pheromones are like toxic sex gas that criples anyone within a 50 mile radius subconsiously hypnotizing every man woman and hermaphrodite into dropping their drawers and begging to take a dive in what I can only guess is a jungle of love. (Because honestly, if the hair on his head looks like this, I shudder to think what lies beneath). You wear flannel shirts that look like they came from the thrift store when in fact they were slaved over by Guatemalan factory workers who strived for 3 days straight without food or water in order to distress it to the point of looking that used. You write songs about how no one can understand your sad feelings when you more than likely haven't had a thought more genuine and sincere than "I don't like the color green. It makes me feel wierd." You pretend to read novels by Nietzsche on the plane when really you're concealing a vintage copy of Mad behind the exterior. Yes, you Jordan Catalano, I mean Jared Leto, are a wounded and complex soul. And I hope that one day, you can find love, happiness and a bar of soap.

3 comments:

Akeelers said...

Carpe Douche! Seize the douche!

Atlanta Cougar said...

Who is Jared Leto sleeping with these days? He certainly has made the rounds in Hollywood.

Mrs. M. said...

i think the bigger question is who isn't he sleeping with? He is such a slut.

 
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