Sunday, March 8, 2009

Dora Done Got Lipo and Hair Extensions

Folks, what you're seeing is a preview of the new and improved Dora the Explorer. The good people (evil soul selling bastards) at Mattel decided it was about time for Dora to pay a visit to Dr. Ray. And thank God. I didn't want to be the one to say it, but Dora was really starting to get a little fat. I mean, let's be real. What good is being bilingual and good at math if you're not thin? And what is up with that haircut? Hello, The Posh is so last year. Really, we must think of the children. What kind of a message would be sending by telling little girls that being smart and kind is good enough? They're going to learn the value of being skinny at all costs eventually. Therefore it's best to really instill that valuable lesson as soon as possible. Thousands of mothers all over the country are outraged at this new, "sexed-up" version of Dora, but I think she's fab. The only thing she's missing is a tiny little cigarrette. How else is she going to stay all slender? Sure on the one hand it stunts your growth and kills you way sooner, but the side effects are totally worth it. We wouldn't want little Dora shopping at The Limited Too Plus, now would we? I didn't think so.


A. K. said...

love the pic...

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