Sunday, March 1, 2009

Jesus Take The Wheel

What. The. Fuck. What the fuck? Are Columbian drug lords secretly swapping their high grade heroin for crushed up Ambien and Ketamine? I mean honestly I have not seen such boring ass unflattering fashion since, well, ever! I have never seen an entire fashion week that is so goddamned dreadful! It's making me want to retreat to my room, shut the shades, turn on PJ Harvey and pretend to off myself with a Lady Bic. From Bottega Veneta to Moschino, nearly every collection at Milan Fashion Week either looks like an explosion at a black fabric factory or Kimora Lee Simmons's diarreah. One or the other! And don't even get me started on all the velvet. I have never seen so much velvet in my fucking life. What gives? Do designers merely think that they can throw whatever they want at us and we'll eat it up because of the label? Fuuuck that. Why would anyone pay $3,000 to be swaddled in poorly fitting fabric that makes them look like a pregnant biopolar chick on suicide watch? Next thing you know the art world will be taken by storm by black velvet paintings of Jesus playing poker with Elvis and some dogs. Don't laugh-it will totally be the next hot thing!
Maybe that's why Roberto Cavalli suddenly pulled out of Milan Fashion Week. He didn't want to drop dead from the fug.
And if I see any of you wearing this on the street, I will not hesitate to bitch slap you. It's called tough love.


Atlanta Cougar said...

Arrrgh! It's the black Michelin man!

Mrs. M. said...

you know you think he looks irresistably sexalicious.

Suburbia Steph said...

Holy crap! Are they planning an expedition to Antarctica??

Mrs. M. said...

i would totally rather freeze my ass off.

ChicChickory said...

LOL! I cannot stop laughing the title....that totally hit my funny bone. Ahhh...good times.

Madam Miaow said...

But I like the scarf ... I'm too wimpy to give up warmth for style.

In my faux fur (coat, hat and boots!) I look like Nanook of the North.

Mrs M, if you ever get over here you'll have to beat up my wardrobe.

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