Thursday, March 12, 2009

Joaquin Phoenix Gets Booted From His Own Show


You know you suck if you wind up getting booted from your own concert. And that's precisely what happened to the new king of crazy, Joaquin Phoenix. The sucka MC was "performing" (and I sincerely use that word as loosely as Paris Hilton's vagina) his rap act last night at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami when he was verbally assaulted by what I'm guessing was a man with hearing. It's not really clear exactly what the man said, but I'm guessing it was something along the lines of "You call that music?" or "Gladiator sucked." Regardless Joaquin wasn't going to take the shit talking lying down, so he of course dropped the obligatory f-bombs before asking the man “I've got $1 million in the bank. What have you got bitch?” and leaping into the audience like Superman on mescaline. The gentleman proceeded to have a little scuffle before Joaquin was eventually carried out.
Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm a sucker for grimy dudes with beards and some issues, but even Joaquin is too damn much for me. Not even so much his appearance as his attitude. He seems like such a mean, bitchy, confrontational drunk. Like no matter what you're talking about, he's going to find a way to make it allll about him. You know what Joaquin needs? (Other than a bottle full of prozac) That bitch needs to join The Bad Girl's Club. That way he can be immersed in all the drunk dialing drama his little heart desires, while still catching all his wacky antics on film. Oh what I wouldn't give to see his ass throwing drinks at a bitch while souting "You wish you had all this, bitch. With your busted ass weave. You better recognize! You're fucking with the South Side, so what you want? Step up! Step up bitch! That's what I thought. You can't fucks with this! I'm straight OPP up in the NYC so you better GFYS before I....something all up on your...stuff. Or whatever!"

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