Friday, April 17, 2009

Madonna's Too Busy for Her Kids

When you're Madonna, you lead a very busy life. So busy in fact, that you don't really have time for frivolous things like mopping the kitchen floor, preparing a home cooked meal, raking the yard, or spending time with your pesky children. According to Eric Ienco, Madge's former house manager (HOUSE MANAGER!!!!!!) and cook, the material sees her precious bundles of annoyance a half hour a day-at most. “She’s hardly ever with her children." Ienco told The National Enquirer (roll dem eyes). "She’s got two full-time nannies and one part-time nanny. So why adopt a kid if somebody else is raising them?...That’s why it’s a puzzle she wants to adopt again." Ienco also says Madgers has far more important things to do. Like work out all day. “She gets up and has a coffee, then she does two hours of yoga. Then there’s two hours of Pilates and exercise. That’s six days a week. After that, she deals with her e-mail, her calls and the rest of her business. And after that, she spends maybe half an hour with the kids. If Lourdes comes in and says, ‘I want to see Mom,’ she is told, ‘She’s doing yoga’ - and Lourdes knows she can’t disturb Mom." The former help continued by saying "Madonna puts herself before her kids. When she adopted little David, he arrived at her home from Africa - and three hours later, she left to do Pilates. Wouldn’t you think she’d want to spend the entire day with her new son?...When she’s with her children, she is a devoted mom,” says Ienco. “She just doesn’t spend much time with them. And now that she’s extended her tour schedule, how much will the kids see her?”
Look, she's Madonna. The traditional rules of parenthood and life do not apply. If she wants to strap a rocket to her ass and fly to the moon, she's going to do it. That baby of hers is what? 3? I bet by the time she was three Lourdes knew how to create a bomb ass spreadsheet, could speak Korean, French and Italian, could recite every chapter of the Kabbalalalaha and was running at least one division of the empire of Madge. It's like get on board, baby. And while you're at it, he should really be working on those obliques. He's almost 4 and doesn't have a six pack. What will his kindergarten friends think?!? Who wants to fingerpaint with a fatty, fatty, fatfat? No one, that's who. Not even his own mother. Snap.


Future Man said...

Hell yeah she's too F'n busy!! Angelina Jolie needs to take some lessons. Lesson 1: your kids are only as important as they are 'cool' and 'relevant'. Lesson 2: Kids are to 'cool', as 'relevant' is to parachute pants.

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