Friday, April 17, 2009

Prince is a Fancy Lesbian

Let me just start by saying that former Prince and the Revolution members Wendy and Lisa have shot straight up to the top of my "Hot Bitches that Don't Give an Eff" list. The former employees are not only coming out of the closet, they're dragging Prince's ass out with them! While the lovely ladies are not claiming Prince rides the magic rainbow, they do say that he basically has a vagina. Here's what the chicas had to say to
Out: Did you first think Prince was gay?
Lisa: He was little and kinda prissy and everything. But he’s so not gay.
Wendy: He’s a girl, for sure, but he’s not gay. He looked at me like a gay woman would look at another woman.
Lisa: Totally. He’s like a fancy lesbian.
Wendy: I remember being at that “Sexuality” video shoot and him on stage with that little black jacket and that tie thing around his neck and his black pants with white buttons on the side. And we looked at each other for the first time and I thought, “Oh, I could so fall in love with that girl easy.” It doesn’t matter what sexuality, gender you are. You’re in the room with him and he gives you that look and you’re like, “Okay, I’m done. It’s over.” He’s Casanova. He’s Valentino.
Out: Are you hitting a point in your career where things are finally turning around for you?
Lisa: Now it’s kinda just fun. I actually find myself enjoying my memories more. Wendy: But we’ll end up getting more calls from Prince because he can’t stand when we talk about him.
Lisa: He’s always like, “Could you just err on the side of privacy?” Well, it was our life too, pal! Whatever. It’s okay.
Wendy: Trust me, Barry. He will read this article and we will get a phone call and he’ll be pissed. Somewhere in this article he’ll find something to be pissed about. Won’t he be proud of you too?
Wendy: No. No. No.
Lisa: He’s not very generous like that.
Out: Well, I’ll do my best.
Lisa: Make it crazy! I don’t care.
Wendy: Holy shit, Lisa. I don’t wanna get that call.
Lisa: I’ll take the call.
Ok honestly tell me how much you would pay to be in the room when Prince hears about this article. I bet he immediately begins pounding his tiny little child-like fists into the hair and stomping his toooootally not homo purple platform heels on the ground while squealing "Would someone doooooo something about this?!? I am not a member of the rainbow brigade! I'm as manly and straight as you get! Now would someone puhlease come over here and give me my mani already! I'm biting my nails down to the cuticles! And make sure you lay the glitter on thick. I want them to shine, girl! Shine! And turn on some damn Donna Summer. Specifically "Hot Stuff"."
And just in case you need a refresher course, here's homo hating Prince looking totally straight.



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