Friday, May 1, 2009

Happy Masturbation Month!

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Do you know what today is? It's the very first day of National Masturbation Month. For real. I do not joke about these sorts of things. The sessie people over at Good Vibrations first deemed May the Month of self pleasure back in 1995 and it has continued to be a viable reason for Americans to take part in the ancient past time ever since. So when your friends ask what you're doing tonight, be sure to inform them that you will be busy doing your patriotic duty as a citizen of this great land.
And just for educational purposes, here are a few fun facts about the health benefits of the masturbation:
1.) Helps relieve depression (I mean that in a general way. Not a Tom Cruise anti-meds crazy alien voodoo sort of way)
2.) It lowers blood pressure
3.) It is a cardiovascular activity
4.) It's cheaper than a hooker
5.) Helps prevent the development of prostate cancer
6.) La petite mort! (It's the little death!)
7.) Helps relieve your lady cramps
8.) It induces restful sleep
9.) Increases blood flow to the genital region, which can help overall sexual function
10.) Because you always wanted to be Japanese
The Vapors - Turning Japanese

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