Thursday, May 14, 2009

This is SUCH a Good Idea

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And by "good idea" I mean the worst fucking idea anyone has ever had in life. Word on the street is Madonna is planning to fake marry her 10 year old boyfriend Jesus Luz in a Kabbalahlahlah ceremony because they are soulmates or some shit. The Brazilian model’s father Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz, who is wasting no time blabbing to the tabs, says the two are going to have their union recognized by the mystical Jewish faith although the marriage will not be legally binding. Luis tells Brazil’s Quem Magazine: “The Kabbalah ceremony in New York that will link up my son Jesus Luz and Madonna only confirms that he is extremely happy. I don’t know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know Kabbalah or if the ceremony will have legal validity.” Translation "So uh...this still means he gets half when they spiritually divorce in 5 months, right?"
Luis also went on to tell Quem, “"She has small children, and Jesus helps her out with various tasks involving all of them. He plays ball with the kids. Jesus has charisma and loves children." Of course he loves children. He was one like, 2 years ago! And did I mention the fact that Jesus' father is four years younger than Madge? I mean I'm all for the cougar lovin', but dating someone that was a legal adult flashing their goodies on camera when your parent was still in middle school is a tad creepy. Not to mention the fact that rebounding so quickly with a dude-any dude-moving him into your house and having marriage ceremonies has got to be confusing for her kids. But you know you can't tell Madonna's stubborn ass a damn thing. All I know is I can't wait till Lourdes busts out with the mad tell all. You know you'll be first in line to buy that shit.

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