Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hell Has Frozen Over


I don't mean to put you in a panic, but the Apocalypse is in full swing. Briskly walk to your nearest supermarket (if you run, people will get suspicious), pick up batteries, flashlights, canned goods, bottled water and a shitload of magazines, because you will need to be locking yourself in your cellar for quite some time. So how do I know that this cruel, cruel world is about to come to an end? Why, because Dick Cheney has thrown his support behind gay marriage. See! I told you! That is the second sign of the apocalypse! First there's the four horsemen, then old man Cheney goes left wing, then Paris Hilton's vaginal vortex explodes covering the Earth in death and disease until only a few are left to battle shit out like "Doomsday".
Just yesterday the Chenster told the press “I think that freedom means freedom for everyone. As many of you know, one of my daughters is gay and it is something we have lived with for a long time in our family. I think people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish. Any kind of arrangement they wish. The question of whether or not there ought to be a federal statute to protect this, I don’t support. I do believe that the historically the way marriage has been regulated is at the state level. It has always been a state issue and I think that is the way it ought to be handled, on a state-by-state basis. … But I don’t have any problem with that. People ought to get a shot at that.”
Oh Dick! How you make me want to burst into an acapello version of Depeche Mode's "People are People". Now you better get to skit and scat. Those canned goods aren't going to go collect themselves.

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