Thursday, June 18, 2009

People Magazine's Most Eligible Bachelors

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I am not going to mince words: People's magazine's list of the top 10 Sexy and Single Men of '09 is chock full of WTF. Let's start with the most doucherageous pretty boy on this list, Brody Jenner. Now I don't know what the people behind this list grew up thinking was sexy, but a privileged, entitled, lazy spoiled brat whose only idea of a hard day's work is juggling two star fuckers that want to sleep with him to advance their career is not my idea of hot. And don't even GET me started on the manscaping. His browline is cleaner than mine.
Other metrosexuals making the list include Chace Crawford, Taylor Kitsch, Ryan Eggold and Kellan Lutz-all of whom look younger than the man-child boys I dated back in high school. I don't know if they just did not get enough calcium during their younger days, or they are just naturally baby-faced, but those dudes look like children to me. And the last time I checked, children should not be included on a list of eligible anything except for an increase in allowance.
In fact, this list is so full of bunk that the only ones I am willing to accept as valid are Common, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Adam Lambert and Robert Pattinson. Chris Pine and Shia LaBeouf I am also inclined to let slide but only because I am deathly afraid of the repercussions of calling them unworthy. They have some seriously devoted fans, none of which I want to piss off. I ask you: Donde esta Tyson Beckford? Justin Theroux? Giovanni Ribisi? Seriously-DONDE ESTA?!?!? Anyway, here's the list in it's entirely. Hands down it's a making my vagina weep for lack of sexy moment. Where for art thou sexy?
10 Sexy & Single Men of '09 People Magazine
1. Chace Crawford
2. Chris Pine
3. Shia LaBeouf
4. Adam Lambert
5. Ryan Eggold & Kellan Lutz (awwww-they share)
6. Dwayne Johnson
7. Brody Jenner
8. Common
9. Taylor Kitsch
10. Robert Pattinson

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