Thursday, July 9, 2009

Gwyneth Paltrow is an Idiot

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Gwyneth Paltrow is a genius. In her own mind. To us she's little more than a mediocre actress who suddenly think she's British and can't seem to shut her trap about how much smarter, richer, more informed, worldly and beautiful she is than us pesky nobodies. Last week Gwennie Gwen Gwen was running her overpaid mouth about how America is inferior to Spain because we don't give a shit about culture or preserving the past. Today she is flapping her gums about a brilliant new detox diet that is guaranteed to slim you down in days. Here's what Dr. Platrow had to say about a new detox program she is involved in: "As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you."
Wow! What an amazing concept! If you eat less, you weigh less! That is something my little college educated pea brain could have never thought of all on my own. After all, my wits and smarts are no match for the woman that stared in
View from the Top and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Why, while I was writing all those papers on the molecular structure of eukaryotic protein kinase, she was spending her time in the trenches, finishing her dissertation on the effects of detoxification on the human body, right? Oh no wait. That's right. She didn't. She was too busy shoving that massive stick up her ass and doing pilates five hours a day. How about this Gwyneth? The next time I want advice on the health and welfare of the human body, I'll ask an actual doctor. Because taking advice from a woman that thinks shampoo gives children cancer would make me an ever bigger moron than she is.

7 comments:

Colette Lala said...

'Gwyneth Paltrow Is An Idiot'... 5 words that make my heart flutter. I can't stand her!

How did she come from the same blood line that produced Blythe Danner and Kate Moennig? They are exquisite gorgeous talented creatures.

Her jaunts in Spain with that creepy Mario Batali are so self righteous. And Goop... don't even get me started on that atrocity!

Keith said...

Great title. So true. I can't stand this fool. I hate people who think they are better than us when they are freaking idiots.

Connie said...

I laughed as soon as I read the post title and I agree with everything you've said. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that someone who acted in 'A View From the Top' thinks she's better than the average person or that she actually created a blog for all her pretentious rants.

theheartbreakinc.blogspot.com

Paul said...

She's repellent. Here's hoping she stays in England.

Anonymous said...

She dated Ben Asslick. Enough said.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever gotten yourself in a situation, so deep, that you can't even get out of it anymore? I won't specify the situation I'm thinking she got herself into but I think that's what happened to Gwyneth Paltrow. Now she believes her own lies. Whatever she's getting now, like hate from people, she probably deserves. Karma's a bitch. You reap what you sow, Goop.

Anonymous said...

Check out this Gwyneth Paltrow Parody Page! It's freakin' hilarious!!!

 
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