Thursday, July 23, 2009

Gwyneth Paltrow is Newstand Suicide

No one likes Gwyneth Paltrow. That is, at least enough to buy a magazine with her on the cover. Which is probably why the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, which features Iron Man newcomers Scarlett Johansson and Mickey Rourke, includes IM vet Robert Downey Jr. but is mysteriously missing Paltrow. Turns out people must not like being told that they are fatter, less intelligent, not as well read or traveled, and just all around generally suckier than a privileged A-list actress because Gwennie Gwen Gwen just so happens to be one of the biggest cover killers of all time. In other words, she scares readers away.
In fact, Gwyneth is such a bomb at the newstands that Conde Nast confirms that her horrendously photoshopped Vogue cover from last summer was the company's
worst-selling issue since 2001, only moving 350,000 copies off the newsstand. As a result, EW scraped plans for Paltrow to be included in the cover calling her "newsstand suicide."
However, while I was less than shocked to hear that people aren't flocking in masses to read about Paltrow's latest hijinx with "William Joel", I was surprised to hear some of the other names associated with shitty selling covers. For instance, although Lindsay Lohan has not had a hit in ages, her covers still outsell Hollywood golden girl Drew Barrymore by about half. Other celebs that fair better at the box office than the newstand include Rachel Weisz, Nicole Kidman, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Connolley and Hilary Swank-all of whom have been praised for their outstanding acting abilities and have multiple awards-including numerous Oscars-between them. So what do you guys think? Is it sheer coincidence that the worst selling celebs just so happen to be the best, most dedicated actresses? And do you suppose they do mediocre at the newstands because their lives are comparitively less scandalous and fittingly more regimented? Do discuss.
And in the meantime, here are some of the best and worst selling covers of all time:
Vogue Best-Selling Cover: Keira Knightley (559,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Rachel Weisz (276,000 copies). But Gwyneth was a close second with 310-350,000 copies.
Vanity Fair Best-Selling Cover: Angelina Jolie (504,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Katherine Heigl (314,000 copies)
Elle Best-Selling Cover: Victoria Beckham (413,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Covers: Carrie Underwood (253,000 copies)
Glamour Best-Selling Cover: Jessica Simpson (775,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Nicole Kidman (460,000 copies)
CosmopolitanBest-Selling Cover: Scarlett Johansson (2 million copies)Worst-Selling Cover: Jessica Simpson (1.5 million copies)
W Best-Selling Cover: Angelina Jolie (78,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Hilary Swank (27,000 copies)
In Style Best-Selling Cover: Eva Longoria-Parker (889,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Anne Hathaway (585,000 copies)
Marie Claire Best-Selling Cover: Women of “Sex and the City” (440,948 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Jennifer Connelly (191,000 copies)
Harper’s Bazaar Best-Selling Cover: Lindsay Lohan (213,000 copies)
Worst-Selling Cover: Drew Barrymore (120,000 copies)


Keith said...

I can't stand Gwyneth. Glad to see there are others that don't want to read or hear anything from that idiot.

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