Thursday, July 9, 2009

Some Reincarnated Chick Sues Old Man Hefner for $3 Billion (Que the maniacal Dr. Evil Laugh)

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Listen there is no easy way to put this so I'm just going to come right out with it. Some crazy bitch named Sheri Denise Allred is suing Hugh Hefner for what he did to her in her many lifetimes. That's right. Lifetimes with a plural "s". Seeing as her lawsuit basically reads like a 3 am entry in Courtney Love's diary, I'm going to try to break it down into the plainest English I possibly can for you. So here goes:
When Alred was a five year old hat, she found Hugh Hefner hiding under her bed. He was a part of a pedophilic association and was there to tell Allred the Hat a prophecy about the Beatles. Like any sane person she was wondering why he was there when suddenly it became clear as day. Old Man Hefner is really Odysseus, a centaur of the Greek gods and was there to give her a bunch of crap because she is Aphrodite and apparently the two do not get along. Ten years passed until Hefner-I'm sorry-Odysseus-came to visit her again, but when he did he arrived with malicious intent. She claims that Hefner forced her husband to "eat his pussy" because he's a morphedite. Hugh wound up getting her husband pregnant, resulting in a daughter being born to the two men.
But if you think Allred is down and out, think again! She claims that she is a graduate of every university you can think of and her hat knows the cure for cancer. She's also telepathic and loves to argue with Zeus over the meaning of God. In closing she is suing Old Man Hefner for being rude and will use the money to buy her oldest son a "pussy to be a morphedite" whatever the fuck in Harry Potter hell that means.
She also mentions that the presidents she has seemed to favor always get elected. So I suppose we finally have someone to blame the 8 year fuckaround that was the Bush administration? Because if that's the case I say we go ahead and get in on a SIX billion dollar class action lawsuit against her ass for royally screwing up our soldiers, our country and our international relations. I mean if she can sue Hefner for something he did back in the BC days, I'm thinking our statute of limitations probably hasn't elapsed.
Anyway you can read the entire lawsuit
here though I warn you. It's like ingesting the damn Drink Me potion from Alice in Wonderland. After consuming it nothing makes sense and you aren't sure what's real anymore. Besides, do you know how many grammatical and spelling errors that thing is littered with?!? It's like damn bitch, you may be crazy but the least you could have done was hit spellcheck. It only takes a second!!!

3 comments:

Keith said...

This is some really far out crap. This is definitely one loony chick. Foolish mess like this shouldn't even be allowed in a court.

ace said...

That woman is just mentally disturbed. She needs professional help.

Mrs. M. said...

i agree Keith i can't believe the courts would even entertain this nonsense.

 
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