Saturday, August 22, 2009

Claire Danes is Dead Behind the Eyes in BlackBook


I tell you, I may not like Claire Danes' personality for shit, but one thing is indisputable: girl has a smoking hot body. Her face however? Deer in the headlights. She looks like someone trying to use freeze tactics to try and psych out a half blind but very deadly prey. In fact, if you listen closely enough you can probably hear the ghost of Steve Irwin saying "Now here we have the illusive crocodile! You can see by his offensive position that he is ready to attack. One wrong move and Claire will be history!" If only. Girl is a sorry actress. I'm sure a lot of people would beg to differ, but I'm just going to go ahead and maintain that she sucks. Even in Stage Beauty, a movie that my husband really loves. Actually to be quite honest her movies would be really, really great if only she weren't in them to deliver her mediocre, flatlining, put me to sleep dialogue. If you think I'm kidding just pop in any ol Claire Danes flick and tell me that she doesn't sound the same saying "pass the milk" as she does lamenting "And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun." I swear, it's as if she either has no concept of the English language or has some sort of inflection issue where she can't distinguish happy from sad or vowels from consonants.
Anyway here's Deadpan Danes in the September issue of BlackBook. Enjoy? Or maybe don't?



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