Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Jon Gosselin Wants His Own Show, World Says NOOOOOO!!!

I don't know about you, but if there is one thing I am sick of (other than vampires) it's seeing Jon Gosselin's smug, chubby, entitled ass walking around in his douchey effing Ed Hardy t-shirts with his five year old homewrecking ho girlfriend and acting like he is somehow important in this world. Seriously, it's like ever since he split with Kate he thinks he's Brad Pitt or some shit. Which of course he is. If Brad Pitt started to go bald, looked like he was carrying twin boys, lost all of his talent, went blind causing his sense of style to suffer and fell face first down a jagged cliff, royally effing up his face in the process. Nonetheless Jon's newfound fame has gone straight to his head. So much so that he is slowly sawing away at the hand that feeds him. According to sources close to the reality show nobody, TLC is livid with the father of eight not only because of his lack of involvement in the new season of Jon & Kate Plus Eight, but because he's making plans to star in his own show! Supposedly Ed Hardy's new bitch is in talks with a major production company called Endomol (sounds like a cough drop for the elderly) to appear in a show called "Divorced Dad's Club." The series will follow Jon and other divorced dead beat dads as they bang teen waitress desperate for their five minutes hug their children and read them bedtime Bible stories. Rumored to be on board is Michael Lohan, the only father in the world that can make Jon look like a rational and selfless individual. However, it seems that Jon has forgotten about that little thing called a "contract" (as well as those other pesky things called "vows" and "fatherhood"), and TLC is fuming about his violation to their contractual agreements. However spies with the network claim that his behavior has been so dispicable that they are thinking of dropping the adulterer because he sheds such a poor image on the network. In fact, TLC has already sent Jon a formal letter claiming he was in violation of the morals clause of his contract, partly because he's been seen going in and out of bars and drinking. As a result Kate has been single handidly shouldering the show, not only parenting the children when the cameras are rolling, but primarily being the sole provider and custodian. Sources also say that she's concerned for the children's welfare, emotionally and financially. As for this season, sources say a judge gave Kate control of the family finances because she was deemed the more responsible party. Jon gets limited access to the account for basic stuff, and is said to be livid about it. So how is Jon making that extra dough? Why, doing what any responsible, loving parent would do: selling pictures and stories about his children to the tabloids. Way to keep it klassy with a "K", Jon. I think I speak for everyone when I say go away. Go away now.

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