Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Least Sexiest Thing You May Ever Witness in Your Lifetime

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Here are a list of things that are less sexy than this issue of Blender with Paris Hilton on the cover:
Getting a rim job from Dick Cheney
Taking a tequila shot out of Amy Winehouse's belly button

Being Adrien Grenier
Getting thrown in a toxic waste dump (actually, that's pretty much the same as having sex with Paris, so I'm not sure if that one counts)
Engaging in "falaffel" sexy time with Bill O'Reilly
Being Matthew McConaughey's dry cleaner
Having to see or touch Ann Coulter's penis

That's all I can think of right now. And trust me, it took me ages to even think of that because honestly there is very, very little I find more repulsive than this dead behind the eyes ho trying to force her useless ass on us. So by all means if you can think of something, feel free to share below. Oh, and I sure hope they burned the hell out of those fishnets after the shoot. That's all America needs right now is an outbreak of whatever as yet unamed diseases this chick is harboring in her vaginal vortex.

5 comments:

May Kasahara said...

you're fucking hilarious ♥

Madam Miaow said...

Damn! I'm missing a load of the references on this side of the pond. Who they? What they do? Dunno, don't care but, like May says, you is funny.

Mrs. M. said...

Neverfear Madam Miaow-I know you would loathe all of the above! Cheney was Bush's VP, Bill O'Reilly is a married right wing self righteous correspondent for Fox News who casts all these stones but was caught soliciting one of his staff members for sex and Ann Coulter is a similar sort who hates everyone and everything that doesn't include the words "Ann Coulter".
And Adrien Grenier is just plain revolting.

DivaJulia said...

Is it just me, or does the banner say "2006"? I thought Blender closed up shop a while back?

Keith said...

Those were so hilarious. I thought I would fall out of my chair laughing. You are so right on the money.

 
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