Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You Know What Goes With Every Outfit? Ballet Slippers and Boobs

In case you did not know, Amy Winehouse went and bought herself a brand new pair of breasteses. Why? I have no idea because if you ask me D cups look completely idiotic on someone who weighs less than a baby gerbil. However it's not my body so what should I care, right? Well, I should care when my poor, poor unsuspecting corneas have to endure an assault with a deadly areola that I didn't even ask for. That's right, in true Winehouse fashion our girl did not even realize that while posing seductively for the paps last night both of her brand new bought and paid for girls were making a special cameo appearance. Now, I could understand if it was a slight nip slip accident, but hot damn both of the sisters are straight chilling out in the open for the whole world to see!
However despite this display of silent lucidity I have an even bigger bone to pick with Amy, and that's her obvious abuse of the ballet slippers. And they aren't even cute, funky ballet slippers. They're like the nondescript, no-brand at all not even a cheap one kind of slippers that you see nurses hand out to mental patients in the psych ward. You know, the ones that are so flimsy that they are basically rendered totally useless. They're fug and they don't even protect your feet and yet Amy wears them strolling the streets of London, during her concerts and even with classy (Winehouse version of classy) attire. If I were her handlers I would sneak in her room in the middle of the day (I say day because that bitch is like a damn vampaaahire), round up all the slippers she owns and burn them in a giant bonfire in an attempt to send them back to hell where they belong.
All boobs and ballet slippers aside though Amy looks miles better than she has in years. Her complexion is clear, her words are coherant and she may be flashing her tits but at least she's not wearing the same clothes for weeks. That's got to count for something. I really wish the girl would get her shit together, because she really is one of my favorite artists of all time. I would hate for the world to be robbed of the amazing music she could make over the years. God knows I suffer the musical loses of Freddie Mercury and Bradley Nowell wondering what could have been. I would hate, hate, hate to wonder the same about Amy.


Keith said...

I love her music, but she is so gross looking.

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