Wednesday, December 23, 2009

All I Want for Christmas is John Mayer....To Go Away.


I don't know who it was that told John Mayer that he could pull off a pompadour, but I got news: He can't. And whoever told him he could obviously hates him very much. (Wait a minute, was that person me????) I don't know what it is about this dude that makes me want to rip up daisies and yell at fluffy kittens, but something about his very presence makes me want to run right out and do this:

Then find John Mayer and engage in a tad of this:
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With just a dash of....

That. After which I am sure you all would do this:

and this:

And I would reciprocate your thanks like this:
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Wait...what was I saying? Oh yeah, John Mayer: I hate him. Here is he is West Hollywood last night looking like the poor man's Fonz and asking people to take his picture while repeatedly chanting "Do you know who I am?!? I am John Mayer! I make music that can make the blind to walk and the crippled to see!" John Mayer. Ugh. I loathe him. So why am I writing about him when I abhor the very sight of his face? Because the only thing I asked for this Christmas was for Santa to make John Mayer go away. Obviously he could not take the time out of his busy schedule of eating Rolos and pounding Shame Sticks to fullfill that one tiny wish, so this post is to say screw you Santa. Screw you. You are officially off my Christmas card list and I am immediately returning your gift basket from Russell Stofer's for a bucket of carrots and lemon water. In other words, I'm giving you the Victoria Beckham special, biatch.

6 comments:

Fashion Wh0re said...

This Has got to Be one of the Funniest Post i've Ever Read..haha and that slap on punch was just classic i cannot Stop laughing Great Post..Even tho i Love John Mayer this Made me Laugh

Carsi said...

I'm so glad someone else feels this way, I've had to learn to bite my tongue around so many people because the love him so much, he's probably the least genuine musician in the public eye

Mrs. M. said...

thanks FW, I am glad you didn't get offended!
And don't worry Carsi, you are definitely not the only one with mad dislike for the Mayer.

Couture Carrie said...

I totally agree!!

Merry Christmas, darling!

xoxox,
CC

daisychain said...

I agree 100%
Wishing you the most wonderful Christmas xxx

Anonymous said...

John Mayer is an extremely talented and humble musician

 
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