You guys, I think I might have just fallen in love with Michelle Trachtenberg. Sure those boots are cute, and that Balenciaga motorcycle bag is dreamy, but that face. Just look at it! Grumpy girl to the tenth power! Game recognizes game and bitch recognizes bitch and this chick is definitely riding the train of terror. I can already see how this scenario went down:
Michelle: "What the eff are you looking at?"
Picture Taker: "Uh, those boots actually. Where did you..."
Michelle: "Just what I thought. You're a pap! You want to take my picture and sell it for money!"
Picture Taker: "Actually I'll give you $20 if you just tell me what store you got them at. Was it Bloomingdale's?"
Michelle: "Yeah you would like to know where I've been, wouldn't you??? Probably want to go back to the scene and interrogate all the employees until you find someone willing to tell you that I was a raging bitch. That's how you operate, isn't it? You're going to find someone to spill secrets about my private life!"
Picture Taker: "Uh no. I'm going to find someone who could get me those shoes in a goddamn size 6 1/2."
Michelle: "Oh OF COURSE! Now we're talking about sizes. Are you trying to say I'm fat? Well guess what? I don't adhere to those bullshit Hollywood standards of beauty."
Picture Taker: "Isn't that a jar of Olay Regenerist that just fell out of your purse?"
Michelle: "Oh now we think we're Matlock and shit! Well aren't you just Detective Benson and Stabler? Somebody get Dick Wolf on the phone! We have our next Law & Order guest star!"
Picture Taker: "I'm just going to go walk this way now..."
Michelle: "And now we're quoting Aerosmith, huh? Real clever!!!"
Picture Taker: "Please don't follow me."
Michelle: "You better keep walking! Can you smell what the Trachtenberg is cooking, bitch? Can you?!? That's what I thought!!!"
Sigh, Michelle Trachtenberg. Warmer and fuzzier than a box of hot nails on sandpaper. What I wouldn't give to have her, Kristen Stewart and Maggie Gyllenhaal read me a bedtime story. I wonder what they'd choose? I bet it would be something about scurvy or the Black Plague. You know, something that makes their little Grinch hearts grow three sizes.