Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mothers Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Riot Grrrls...

Although I could not stand her at first, assuming she was a bratty, entitled little cunty McBigForHerBritches, I have since grown to lovelovelove Taylor Momsen. Why you ask? Because she reminds me soooo damn much of myself at her age. Allow me to demonstrate why not only is Taylor basically me ten years later, but how you too can learn to be as cool as a 16 year old punk rocker with a chip on her fishnets:
Exhibit A: Here is Mrs. M on her 15th birthday.

Please note the "I am fucking over this" 98 degree eye roll with a bilateral bitch crossing arm tuck. This is teenage angst at it's most exemplary. In fact, I'm sure if historians adequately study the ancient wall scribbings from the B.C. era they will see medium sized Egyptian stick figures asking their parents to take the horse and carriage out past dusk and retorting with "I despise thine until thy hour of repentence!" when they are rejected and slamming the wooded beam that keeps their house together out of hormonal rage.
Exhibit B: Having friends that consider themselves socially superior is also important. It's not enough that you be cooler than the entire planet. You must also have a posse that exudes both self importance AND indifference. Note Mrs. M and her friend Rebecca of "Fight Amp" at the ripe age of 15 looking and feeling like the wisest, most knowledgable cats on the planet:

Exhibit C: Here's Mrs. M at 14. Note the ratty "IDGAF" hair that clearly tells the world that brushes are for suckers, but Rainbow Bright sheets are for bad asses.

It's this kind of conflicting behavior that tells the world that I am a complex individual who is too busy listening to Hole and reading The Bell Jar to comb my shit through.
Exhibit D: It's important to try new and exciting things.

For rich grrrls like Taylor, sushi and wheatgrass make for fine dining. For those of us on a babyback budget, peat moss will work in a pinch. And don't forget to paint those nails black! It's what Siouxsie Sioux would do!
Exhibit E: Last and certainly not least, two words: Inappropriate. Hemline.

This concludes today's lesson on why I love Taylor. And here's more of our little McBitchyPants looking too cool for school on the streets of NYC. I know this might be mean, but seriously it's only a matter of time before this chick is flashing her "Not a girl, not yet a woman" bits as she exits her Cadillac Escalade. She's basically in an advanced state of undress that progresses a little further every day. This time next week she'll probably be wearing pasties and a tampon.


Keith said...

Great photos. You rock. So cool to see these pictures of you back in the day.

That Chelsea Girl™ said...

Thanks for the blog comment! I do wish Taylor would wear more clothes, but...whatev. Great photos!

Hipstercrite said...

Hahahahaha.....hysterical post! I'm still on the fence about Taylor, but your photos are awesome!

Dejana • shopsterium.blogspot.com said...

Taylor's only wearing what her stylist tells her to, poor girl can't decide for herself ;)

Miss_Scarlett said...

i loved your old pics, so grunge, i loved that era. though i still think this girl tries to hard, shes just 16, at 25 shes going to look like 36 or something like lindsay lohan.

Emma ... said...

love this post! made me laugh :)
emma x


Senorita Fashionista said...

Love the post, brought back some memories for me as well! My room looked like yours except it had the Smiths all over it! Congrats on winning my Give away! xoxo Jolie

Mrs. M. said...

Thanks Jolie! I am so excited I won!

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