Mrs. M's Top 9 Thingies and Stuff of 2009

The last few hours of 2009 are upon us, so that could only mean one thing: time to take a look back at some of the things I was most obsessed with this year at Slacker Chic. For better or for worse, these people/stories/scenarios really got my juices flowing, making this one of the most memorable years eva. So smoke 'em if you got 'em, remember 'em if you can and by all means, don't forget to share what you were obsessed with in '09. (P.S. Kristen Stewart's "glass shaped cigarrette" didn't make the list, but she did! And don't forget to click on the dates to read the original stories.)
Number NINE: Saturday Morning, with Dita Von Teese
Date of Obsession: December 5

Number EIGHT: SnowMerryKate
Date of Obsession: November 18

Number SEVEN: Adam Lambert being a Hot ass SexSexual
Date of Obsession: October 18

Number SIX: Telling Lindsay Lohan to shut her legs/get a job/gain weight/go away/get tested/take a bath/dye her hair/stop tanning/take her fingers out of her mouth/STFU/put on pants
Date of Obsession: June 16

Number FIVE: Opie from Sons of Anarchy/Beards
Date of Obsession: Beards-Always, Opie-September 8

Number FOUR: Kristen Stewart is a Bitch...and I Love It.
Date of Obsession: August 20

Number THREE: Freddie Mercury
Date of Obsession: July 23

Number TWO: Tom Waits
Date of Obsession: September

Number ONE: Amber Rose
Date of Obsession: March 2, 2009

Tell me kids, what moments/people were most memorable for you this year?

Zoe Saldana in Es Muy Sexy for Es Magazine

There have been an awful lot of people who became famous this year-most of which earned their stars and stripes for being utterly useless, talentless, and a giant pain in our asses. Thankfully however that is not the case with one Ms. Zoe Saldana, who proved that a girl could still get noticed on on her ability to carry a Hollywood Blockbuster while delivering tongue-tying Vulcan lingo and ass whoopings galore. Yes, Zoe may not have been my absolute all time favorite thing to come out of this past year, but she was certainly one of them. She's sassy, she's smart, and she drops "F" bombs with reckless abandon. What's not to love? I even adore these pictures of the sultry Saldana for the December issue of Es Magazine. Here's hoping that 2010 brings even more notoriety for the actress. In a world of Heidi Montags and Jon Gosselins, we need the Zoe Saldanas to keep us sane (and sanitary).

Flare Presents the 10 Star Style Reinventions of 2009

Well kids, 2009 has been one hell of a year. Between irresponsible parents with reality shows who are famous for nothing but being reproductive and having bad hair, bodysuits sans pants, and the whole "yo Taylor, Imma let yew finish but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time" speeches, it seems like this has been one of the longest and most obnoxious years of all time. In fact, I'm almost glad to see 2009 GTFO and make room for 2010. However while there were many, many, manymanymany crappy things about this year, there were a few awesome moments. Like watching Sully save a bunch of passengers from any early demise in the Hudson and observing the style evolution of fashionistas like Rihanna, Nicole Richie, and Katie Holmes. Sure the latter isn't quite as fulfilling as seeing hundreds of innocent lives being saved, but what can I say? We need both substance AND sugar, which is exactly what fashion and art is. And seeing as how it is a very important part of our metaphorical diets, I thought it best to give you guys your daily dose of brain candy with this awesome list from the good people at Flare. The Canadian mag has and whittled down the top 10 stars who have reinvented their style and reinvigorated their careers in the year 2009. So who did my neighbors to the North choose as the biggest reinvention of the year? Scroll down to see! (And as always, feel free to discuss. I would love to see what you guys think about their picks)
10.) Rihanna
9.) Marc Jacobs
8.) Drew Barrymore
7.) Victoria Beckham
6.) Heidi Klum
5.) Madonna
4.) Nicole Richie
3.) Angelina Jolie
2.) Katie Holmes
*drumroll please*
1.) Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (*aka Queen Ashley and The Other One)
I mean honestly, is this list from 2005? Or even older? Hadn't all these people already reinvented themselves? Most of them back in 1996??? I mean hell, most of these people didn't really even do much this year. Madonna? Marc Jacobs? Victoria Beckham? Ah well. It's Canada. What do you expect? Their greatest exports are Alanis Morissette, that guy from Full House and Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne, people! At least it gives me a opportunity to post this:

Death Stare Side Eyes in the Morning, with Michelle Trachtenberg

You guys, I think I might have just fallen in love with Michelle Trachtenberg. Sure those boots are cute, and that Balenciaga motorcycle bag is dreamy, but that face. Just look at it! Grumpy girl to the tenth power! Game recognizes game and bitch recognizes bitch and this chick is definitely riding the train of terror. I can already see how this scenario went down:
Michelle: "What the eff are you looking at?"
Picture Taker: "Uh, those boots actually. Where did you..."
Michelle: "Just what I thought. You're a pap! You want to take my picture and sell it for money!"
Picture Taker: "Actually I'll give you $20 if you just tell me what store you got them at. Was it Bloomingdale's?"
Michelle: "Yeah you would like to know where I've been, wouldn't you??? Probably want to go back to the scene and interrogate all the employees until you find someone willing to tell you that I was a raging bitch. That's how you operate, isn't it? You're going to find someone to spill secrets about my private life!"
Picture Taker: "Uh no. I'm going to find someone who could get me those shoes in a goddamn size 6 1/2."
Michelle: "Oh OF COURSE! Now we're talking about sizes. Are you trying to say I'm fat? Well guess what? I don't adhere to those bullshit Hollywood standards of beauty."
Picture Taker: "Isn't that a jar of Olay Regenerist that just fell out of your purse?"
Michelle: "Oh now we think we're Matlock and shit! Well aren't you just Detective Benson and Stabler? Somebody get Dick Wolf on the phone! We have our next Law & Order guest star!"
Picture Taker: "I'm just going to go walk this way now..."
Michelle: "And now we're quoting Aerosmith, huh? Real clever!!!"
Picture Taker: "Please don't follow me."
Michelle: "You better keep walking! Can you smell what the Trachtenberg is cooking, bitch? Can you?!? That's what I thought!!!"
Sigh, Michelle Trachtenberg. Warmer and fuzzier than a box of hot nails on sandpaper. What I wouldn't give to have her, Kristen Stewart and Maggie Gyllenhaal read me a bedtime story. I wonder what they'd choose? I bet it would be something about scurvy or the Black Plague. You know, something that makes their little Grinch hearts grow three sizes.

And Mischa Barton's Wardrobe Belongs at the Bottom of a Moth Infested Box in a Retirement Community...IN HELL

I really, really, really want to break down why this outfit that Mischa Barton wore out to lunch yesterday makes me want to run at top speeds into a brick wall just to make the corneal assault she is committing on my eyes cease to exist, but I can't. Instead, my brain is too busy singing "You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have the Facts of Life, the Facts of Life..." I mean for real, there is a Mrs. Garrett situation going on all up in this picture. The high waisted Mom jeans, the houndstooth cropped jacket, the Menonite-inspired lace top-it's like Mischa is single handidly trying to give a home to all the fugly, unwanted, rejected clothes of the world. She's totally like Angelina Jolie except instead of adopting orphans, she's taking in the unloved holiday sweaters with snowman applicays and unflattering, ill-fitting potato pants of the world. I mean honestly, I can't figure out if she's dressing this way to be all ironic and hip, or just to get attention. And if that's the case trust me when I tell you honey, this is not the way to go about doing it. Leak a sex tape, start a music career, anything but THIS. Music you can turn off. Bad fashion? Not so much. Stop hurting us and yourself Mischa. You obviously are in dire need of professional help. And by that, I mean a stylist. Get one. Immediately. If not for your sake, for ours. We beseech you, Mischa.

Nicky Hilton's Warbdrobe Belongs In My Life

Dear Nicky Hilton,
Hey grrrl. Sorry about the misfortune of being born Paris Hilton's sister. That must really suck. But you know what doesn't suck? Your style. I'm sweating it. In fact, if my momma hadn't raised me right I'd be halfway to California by now with an empty suitcase that was anticipated being filled with that hot ass heather gray Alexander Wang Coco Duffel bag, that delicious leather jacket and those aviators that probably cost more than everything that resides in the second story of my house. Between your love for leather, basic colors, and feminine looking masculine clothes, I'd go so far as to say you have the most enviable closets in Hollywood. (To me, at least) So in closing, you're pretty fly, girl. I mean, you must be if I'm willing to overlook the fact that your sister is..well...she's basically a slutty Satan on Adderrall. Anyway, good job on the fashion, and may you live long and prosper. (Seriously. I'd figure being related to Paris is a major hazard to one's health, so try and keep up to date on those inoculations, mmm k?)
Kisses and Bitchslaps,
Mrs. M

Amber Rose is a Flawless Creature of Fabulousness in Vibe Magazine

Hello guys and dolls! I know I have been absent for a few days, celebrating Christmas with my recently redeployed husband, but I figured what better way to come back than with a little Amber Rose? My favorite femmebot has become quite a fixture in the model scene as of late, popping up in every major publication including Elle, Smooth, and of course, the relaunch issue of Vibe magazine, as seen here. For this editorial, Amber does what she does best, mixing her soft, feminine figure with a tough as nails style for a spread entitled "A Touch of Masculinity". In fact, is it just me or am I getting a slight Annie Lennox vibe from our girl?

Lily Allen in Harper's Bazaar Russia

Merry Christmas all my little sugar plum fairies! I do hope that you are having an amazing holiday season, filled with food, family and fun (and maybe a few presents too!) I just wanted to do a quick post to wish each and every one of your amazing asses an incredible x-mas, Kwanza, Hanukkah, Festivus, or whatever you choose to celebrate. And, although it is not exactly seasonally related, I thought I'd share this superfly editorial of Lily Allen from the January issue of Harper's Bazaar Russia. Here's hoping your day is a great one!

British Vogue Names Best Dressed Celebs of 2009

Every year, the good people over at British Vogue rack their brains in an attempt at desecting the year in fashion. They do this in a nobel attempt to seperate the good, the bad, and the fugly, and crown a new queen of couture that shall reign supreme for 12 whole months. Some women who climbed into the top 20 this year include rock star Beth Ditto, U.S. first Lady Michelle Obama and Harry Potter star Emma Watson, proving that when it comes to personal style, Vogue appreciates women of all varieties. So who snagged the number one spot? Scroll down to see! (Hint-it's not GaGa, though honestly it should be. 2009 was the year of GaGa. No question.)
20.) Beth Ditto

19.) Carla Bruni-Sarkozy

18.) Olivia Palermo

17.) Anna Friel

16.) Georgia May Jagger

15.) Angelina Jolie

14.) Michelle Obama

13.) Leighton Meester

12.) Lily Donaldson

11.) Lady GaGa

10.) Kate Moss

9.) Freida Pinto

8.) Diane Kruger

7.) Sienna Miller

6.) Emma Watson

5.) Danii Minogue

4.) Cheryl Cole

3.) Sarah Jessica Parker

2.) Audrey Tatou

1.) Alexa Chung